My children are the reason for my ultimate state of being. Through them I have learned and seen so much about myself. They have taught me how to be a stand for them. This week my son taught me how to be a stand for my non- negotiables. He employed high level international peace treaty tactics. He gave and then he refused. He refused until he had full certainty that his requirements would be met. And in his refusal, he was unwavering. Most parents would punish him for his “defiance”. In the core of my being, I have always known that children are “obstinate” when their requirements are being ignored. That’s right, not just unmet but in their internal world, the perception is “I am being ignored”.  That’s when I stop and listen and get super curious about what I am missing as a mother. 

 

In this case, most of the week on Monday and Tuesday, I was in my “I am a shit Mom” story. That prevented me from “seeing” my son. By the end of my theme day, “What I desire Wednesday “, it occurred to me that it may be more about him. I asked myself who does he need to be to resolve this? Then I thought as a mom, if I am being a stand for him, who do I need to be?’ I realized that I couldn't be a stand for him because I didn’t even know his requirements. I was too tired to tackle it then and left it for the next morning. In the morning, I started my day asking Allah, ’please give me peace in my day. How do I not argue with my son today?’ Then He responded/ I felt a spiritual download/ intuition which revealed, “ he was showing you his requirement for comfort and ease. He is now at peace in his soul and the day will begin with ease.” When I went to him, he was agreeable. 

 

In the car on the way to school I made certain to tell him that he has a bright future in international peace negotiations. He laughed and then I reinforced the confidence in him. “In your way of being, you were setting firm boundaries and being a stand for your non- negotiable requirements. I encourage,” I want you to acknowledge that in your being and continue to be that. I learned a valuable lesson from you about how I could Be.”

 

He smiled empowered by this realization. It was a joy to have peace and admiration for my son all in one go. 

 

Many of my clients are seeking inner peace and suffer because they are not being a stand for their boundaries. What did you learn from his story?

 

Later in the day I revisited my concept of lonely. I realized it goes back to when I chose to become Muslim at almost 30 years old. I had to not only learn a new lifestyle but make new friends and create a new community. I was also becoming a wife and mother simultaneously. Oh and I was moving up in my career. Muslim women mostly who were born Muslim and who were culturally Muslim didn’t accept me as a friend because I was labeled Revert. Black women didn’t accept me because now I was Muslim, as in possibly Nation of Islam with political implications or an immigrant. People who were neither Muslim or Black, had political or other bias and prejudice against me. And I was building a new Beingness alone. Even my husband was unsupportive and ten years into my marriage I finally acknowledged that it was because he was emotionally abusive. That’s a story for another time. 

 

So now 20 years later as a divorced Black Muslim woman with six children and a business, the muscle memory of lonely is back. Now I am acknowledging that I must be strategic and intentional with whom I allocate time, effort, attention and love. This understanding allows me to delineate when someone requires the boot, a talking to or a little less. It also gives me more joy in enforcing boundaries. I have more love left over. I have more love within and that squeezes out loneliness. I have more peace, mental quiet and less effort and energy expended on creating Sweet Talk. Now it effortlessly flows in replay. I have come home to me. I am being Joy and Presence.

 

Details on each guest will be revealed the week before.

 

January 18th Veronica Owusu

January 25th Tonya Freeman and Andrew Eggelton

 

with Detached Love,

 

Cordelia